its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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