Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
