There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
