He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
