Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
