I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
