Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Girls should come with a carfax report
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
