i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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