I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
