just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
