two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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