I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
