we have pet lesbian snakes
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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