He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
