Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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