Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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