he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
