So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
