I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
