It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
