You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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