you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
