I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
