Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
