just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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