I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
