she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.