best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.