You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
