Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....