Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
