He uses pillows to masturbate.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.