So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.