There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
