my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
