oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
