so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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