Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
