I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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