even my farts smell like vagina
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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