But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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