i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This is classic penis vs brain.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
