I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
