FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
