Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
