I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
