Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
