The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
