By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
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