Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
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i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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