Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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