Little spoons don't ask big questions
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
