bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
