Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
