you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
