Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
