Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
