my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
