The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
