East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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