So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
