btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
