The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
