So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
