I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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