Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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