I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
