i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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