we're chasing vodka with high fives
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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