I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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