Jerry, you need to find god
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
