Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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