he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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