I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
