I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
